I’ve decided to start a blog.
Lately I’ve had this gut feeling that I should start writing. I think this comes from a need to integrate and express the ideas I become exposed to from media like books and podcasts.
Where does this need come from? I believe it springs from one of my core values; authenticity. To me, living an authentic life means sincerely and openly expressing one’s ideas and beliefs, even if it means damaging (or losing) interpersonal relationships with loved ones due to differences in opinion.
For most of my life, this fear of loss has led me to suppress authentic expression for my ideas and interests. I’ve learned the root cause of this fear is based in the psychology of (insecure) attachment. Attachment refers to the set of emotional and social patterns present in our interpersonal relationships. Attachment theory states that human children have the following non-negotiable needs during infancy and early childhood:
- Unconditional, attuned physical and emotional connection with parents
- A sense that they are good enough as-is (unconditionally)
- A sense of safety in vulnerability – being able to freely express emotions without negatively impacting the attuned parental connection
When any of these needs are not met, the child modifies their outward behavior to preserve the attachment with caregivers. This behavior change stems deep from the survival instinct and leads to suppression of authentic emotions. These behavior patterns are imprinted into the child’s subconscious and manifest later in adolescent and adult relationships as either excessive neediness (anxious attachment), dismissiveness (avoidant attachment), or a mix of both (disorganized attachment) and people-pleasing behavior.
Writing this blog is one way for me to overcome the fear of loss of attachment and express my authentic ideas and interests. My ultimate goal is to use this blog to connect with myself and others in an authentic way. Writing aligns with my other core values as well:
- Discipline – I’m committing to a regular writing schedule. At least one post a month, for now.
- Growth mindedness – I’m not a great writer, but I know that I will get better over time with consistent effort. Writing about a topic will also force me to understand it more deeply.
- Inner peace – expressing my ideas will help me make sense of the present milieu and fire hose of information that we are all inundated with in today’s culture.
- Connection – my hope is that someone will find the ideas discussed in this blog helpful, and that they walk away having learned something that can make a positive impact on their life.
This year is the first in my life where I’ve actually thought through and written down what my core values are. To find them, I thought about scenarios in the past when I felt awful over something I did or didn’t do, and the “inverse” of that (mis)behavior pointed to the underlying value that needs to be honored in order not to feel that way in the future. I’m sure there are other methods for finding your core values, but this way has worked for me, maybe it will work for others too. The easy part is taking the time to think through them, and write them down. The hard part is living them.
What are your core values?
Thanks for reading,
Connor